"They say you can't turn a bad girl good, but once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever" Jay-Z
I've noticed plenty of women recite this quote or adopt a Good Girl Gone Bad attitude after suffering from a broken heart. A Good Girl Gone Bad turns cold to all men, after being hurt by one or more. Women who take on this persona put up a guard in order to protect their heart, not realizing that they're blocking everybody out, including a potentially good man. Those who have experienced a broken-heart can attest that the feeling is unexplainable and it hurts so much so that after-wards you try to avoid going through the same situation again.
Even though the feeling cuts deep, with each broken heart and failed relationship you should take something from it. Just because the experience was bad doesn't mean that good can't be a result of it. Your experience may teach you some things about yourself that you never knew before. Maybe you thought you wanted a certain type of man and come to the realization that you don't, or maybe you'll have an epiphany and learn that you're not ready for the responsibility that comes along with a relationship. Whatever your situation--good or bad, you shouldn't allow it to change you for the worse.
A lot of times when a woman is hurt by a man she becomes bitter and takes on the mindset that all men are the same. She's standoffish when other men try to approach her, thinking they have the same agenda as the last. She doesn't want to see her friends who are in good relationships happy. Her comments concerning men are negative and she may even deliberately try to hurt the new man that she allows into her life. She attempts to make all men pay for one man's mistakes, oblivious to the fact that this kind of behavior is toxic,it doesn't do any good and it only causes more hurt.
I understand that because we're different, individually we wont handle things the same, but when you allow for one person from your past to dictate your future then it's a problem. I know that losing someone you love or having a relationship that you put your all into fail, is going to affect you in one way or another. I understand that after situations like these there will be a grieving period. I don't expect for anybody to be happy after a broken heart or ecstatic cause their man left them, that's not realistic. What's unrealistic is thinking that you're going to go through life without having your feelings hurt, or your heart broken--it happens. These experiences are apart of life and they're meant to shape, not handicap you.
In the end, when you let fear that stems from a broken heart hinder you from meeting what you truly deserve, you're only hurting yourself. Shutting yourself off from love isn't paying back the man who cheated on you, did you wrong, or abused you. He has moved on while you're stuck in the past allowing him to control your happiness in the present. Bad things happen to good women all the time and it's not meant to turn them into "Bad Girls" but stronger women. Take it as a lesson learned and allow for those memories to be just that--memories.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Share A Smile With Your Sistas
You know what really gets under my skin? The cattiness that goes on between Sistas. The constant put downs, the angry stares, the fights, the gossip, the competing over men; it literally makes me wince. I mean, why are we always at each other’s throats? It’s like we lost a sense of sisterhood, and it makes me wonder where the hate stems from. Naturally, we’re built to love and nurture, but we somehow developed this hard outer shell to protect us from the constant barrage of attacks and criticism that we receive from society. We put a guard up to block out the hate and in return, block out each other. We are use to being on the chopping block, so we cut everybody out, including our fellow Sistas. A lot of times, we judge each other because we expect to be judged.
Many Sistas are raised in single parent homes and in result, are taught from day one to be independent. We are fed depressing statistics that tell us that we’re more prone to not get married due to the incarceration of our men, our men being gay, or our men converting over to a different race of women because of the negative stereotypes associated with Sistas. From birth, we’re raised with a mindset that we aren’t entitled to the joys of life like a husband, or a loving mate. We’re basically put under the assumption that we must fight and compete because our chances at happiness are slim to none. Well, I’m here to inform you that all of this is a lie. We don’t have to beat each other down in order to rise up. Instead of competing with one another, we need to band together and discourage others from partaking in the negativity and scrutiny of the Sista.
If you take a close look at how society views the Sista, it’s quite disturbing. If we aren’t being sexually exploited, we’re having multiple babies. If we aren’t fighting, we are being loud and aggressive; telling somebody off. The image of the Sista in society and the media is harsh, and I find myself always battling to break away from these negative connotations. Even though I do know a few Sistas that fit some of these stereotypes, we are uniquely different. Sistas come in different shades and personalities, and that’s what makes us all beautiful.
We need to come together and work systematically to help repair the image of the Sista. Instead of contending against each other, let’s be more encouraging and supportive because we can relate to one another. I’m not saying you have to become best friends with every Sista you come across, but it’s not going to kill you to be friendly. The next time you come across a Sista, share a smile with her, even if she doesn’t return the gesture. At least you tried, and maybe the next Sista will.
You know what really gets under my skin? The cattiness that goes on between Sistas. The constant put downs, the angry stares, the fights, the gossip, the competing over men; it literally makes me wince. I mean, why are we always at each other’s throats? It’s like we lost a sense of sisterhood, and it makes me wonder where the hate stems from. Naturally, we’re built to love and nurture, but we somehow developed this hard outer shell to protect us from the constant barrage of attacks and criticism that we receive from society. We put a guard up to block out the hate and in return, block out each other. We are use to being on the chopping block, so we cut everybody out, including our fellow Sistas. A lot of times, we judge each other because we expect to be judged.
Many Sistas are raised in single parent homes and in result, are taught from day one to be independent. We are fed depressing statistics that tell us that we’re more prone to not get married due to the incarceration of our men, our men being gay, or our men converting over to a different race of women because of the negative stereotypes associated with Sistas. From birth, we’re raised with a mindset that we aren’t entitled to the joys of life like a husband, or a loving mate. We’re basically put under the assumption that we must fight and compete because our chances at happiness are slim to none. Well, I’m here to inform you that all of this is a lie. We don’t have to beat each other down in order to rise up. Instead of competing with one another, we need to band together and discourage others from partaking in the negativity and scrutiny of the Sista.
If you take a close look at how society views the Sista, it’s quite disturbing. If we aren’t being sexually exploited, we’re having multiple babies. If we aren’t fighting, we are being loud and aggressive; telling somebody off. The image of the Sista in society and the media is harsh, and I find myself always battling to break away from these negative connotations. Even though I do know a few Sistas that fit some of these stereotypes, we are uniquely different. Sistas come in different shades and personalities, and that’s what makes us all beautiful.
We need to come together and work systematically to help repair the image of the Sista. Instead of contending against each other, let’s be more encouraging and supportive because we can relate to one another. I’m not saying you have to become best friends with every Sista you come across, but it’s not going to kill you to be friendly. The next time you come across a Sista, share a smile with her, even if she doesn’t return the gesture. At least you tried, and maybe the next Sista will.
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