"They say you can't turn a bad girl good, but once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever" Jay-Z
I've noticed plenty of women recite this quote or adopt a Good Girl Gone Bad attitude after suffering from a broken heart. A Good Girl Gone Bad turns cold to all men, after being hurt by one or more. Women who take on this persona put up a guard in order to protect their heart, not realizing that they're blocking everybody out, including a potentially good man. Those who have experienced a broken-heart can attest that the feeling is unexplainable and it hurts so much so that after-wards you try to avoid going through the same situation again.
Even though the feeling cuts deep, with each broken heart and failed relationship you should take something from it. Just because the experience was bad doesn't mean that good can't be a result of it. Your experience may teach you some things about yourself that you never knew before. Maybe you thought you wanted a certain type of man and come to the realization that you don't, or maybe you'll have an epiphany and learn that you're not ready for the responsibility that comes along with a relationship. Whatever your situation--good or bad, you shouldn't allow it to change you for the worse.
A lot of times when a woman is hurt by a man she becomes bitter and takes on the mindset that all men are the same. She's standoffish when other men try to approach her, thinking they have the same agenda as the last. She doesn't want to see her friends who are in good relationships happy. Her comments concerning men are negative and she may even deliberately try to hurt the new man that she allows into her life. She attempts to make all men pay for one man's mistakes, oblivious to the fact that this kind of behavior is toxic,it doesn't do any good and it only causes more hurt.
I understand that because we're different, individually we wont handle things the same, but when you allow for one person from your past to dictate your future then it's a problem. I know that losing someone you love or having a relationship that you put your all into fail, is going to affect you in one way or another. I understand that after situations like these there will be a grieving period. I don't expect for anybody to be happy after a broken heart or ecstatic cause their man left them, that's not realistic. What's unrealistic is thinking that you're going to go through life without having your feelings hurt, or your heart broken--it happens. These experiences are apart of life and they're meant to shape, not handicap you.
In the end, when you let fear that stems from a broken heart hinder you from meeting what you truly deserve, you're only hurting yourself. Shutting yourself off from love isn't paying back the man who cheated on you, did you wrong, or abused you. He has moved on while you're stuck in the past allowing him to control your happiness in the present. Bad things happen to good women all the time and it's not meant to turn them into "Bad Girls" but stronger women. Take it as a lesson learned and allow for those memories to be just that--memories.
Very good article.. I can relate to that. But it's not easy. The pain is crazy and we try to "medicate"ourselves to not go through that pain again, and the medication is the prevention. We try to prevent all kinds of bad situations by putting a wall. Its interesting, congratulations for ur writing skills.
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tita, that's exactly what happens!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this whole article, the part that sticks out most to me is this: "Whatever your situation--good or bad, you shouldn't allow it to change you for the worse." This happens to most, if not every, woman at some point. I think that a lot of the time, we get defeated by this.
This whole article just motivates me to not let heartbreak get in the way of someone else who can bring me sunshine and happiness!