As I make my way to work, I pop in my all time favorite Neo Soul Crooner Raheem Devaughn’s newest CD, The Love and War Masterpeace. His soulful sexy voice eases my mind, takes me to a place of calm. I roll my windows down allowing the sun to kiss my skin and summer breeze to make its way into my vehicle. I immediately change the CD player to track number six, Mr. Right. I absolutely love this song, the topic of a Mr. Right always seem to dominate the conversations I have with my girlfriends whenever we have girl talk. What is a Mr. Right? What qualities will he possess? When will we meet him? All questions we raise as we joke and toy with the idea. Surely we aren’t psychics and can’t foretell when we’ll meet Mr. Right, but we all have an idea of the qualities we find ideal in a man.
We agreed that maybe a time or two we thought we met our Mr. Right, but he ended up turning into Mr. Right now. You know, that guy who isn’t exactly Mr. Right, but he’ll do. Even though Mr. Right Now fills a void, he doesn’t have all the characteristics you want in a long time partner. I mean yeah you don’t like the fact that he smokes, or that he doesn’t believe in marriage, or that his life seems to be all over the place, but he holds you at night. He may not even be consistent in his pursuit with you, but he gives just enough to hold you over. He compliments you, but never really takes the time to get to know your inner beauty. Mr. Right Now provides temporary satisfaction to a long term need, and in the end will always leave you unsatisfied, wanting more.
Mr. Right is ultimately the man of your dreams. He isn’t perfect, but the things you don’t like about him aren’t deal breakers. You can deal with the fact that he’s a little messy, or that he doesn’t put the toilet seat down when he’s finished. Even though he has small things that sometimes get under your skin, who he is as a person outshines those flaws. Mr. Right is the guy who you can see yourself marrying, and he differs from Mr. Right Now, because of that. Mr. Right, treats you like he sees a future with you, he includes you in his life and makes it clear that he wants to be with you. Mr. Right does not leaving you guessing if he’s into you, you’ll know because it will show.
In your lifetime you will meet plenty of guys, the challenge will be determining if he is a Mr. Right, or a Mr. Right Now. Below are some signs to look for that can indicate if he is a Mr. Right Now:
Your Long Term Goals Aren’t Compatible
You want a family, but he doesn’t want any children. You want to get married one day, but he doesn’t believe in marriage. You want your man to be a Christian, but he’s atheist. With Mr. Right Now, the major qualities that you want your future husband to possess, he lacks. His wants and your wants do not match up and down the road they can prove to be deal breakers and cause your relationship to end. Getting involved with a Mr. Right Now and waiting for him to change into Mr. Right, is risky.
You’re Always Wanting More
The fact that Mr. Right Now doesn’t have all the qualities you want in a mate, leaves you unsatisfied. You complain and nag about the things that he lacks, but you knew what he was about when you met him. Don’t accept less, and then expect more. People do change, but on their own terms and time. If you know you’re the kind of woman that wants a man that can afford a certain life style, don’t date a guy making minimum wage and then complain that he’s not making enough. My point is, know what you’re looking for, know what you’ll accept and can live with, it’ll save you a lot of headache down the road.
He’s Not Serious
Mr. Right Now will treat you like you’re his Mrs. Right Now, meaning he won’t truly invest in your relationship. Relationships take time, commitment and effort from both partners and it will not work without these essentials. If he doesn’t show sincere concern about the direction your relationship is heading in, then he’s not serious. If he’s always too busy or has an excuse for every little thing, then he’s not serious. If ever a problem arises and he’s not ready to compromise and make the necessary sacrifices that will help your relationship work, then he’s not serious.
He Doesn’t Mention You in His Future
If a man is serious about your relationship going the distance, he’ll verbalize these feelings. If he doesn’t mention you in his future plans, then there’s a good chance that you aren’t included in them. When a man is dedicated in a relationship, he’ll communicate it verbally and reinforce it with action. Mr. Right acquires many characteristics that set him apart from Mr. Right Now, one evident characteristic being that he has longevity. Mr. Right invests in the relationship, in order to ensure that it lasts. Mr. Right Now is a temporary fixture and therefore he doesn’t have a reason to think about the future.
Ladies, in the end you’re going to have to determine what you want and need in a man. Weeding out the good guys from the bad is not an easy task. First you have to figure out what you like, before you can seek it. You have to assess what you will and will not put up with in a relationship, and know your stance on the qualities you’re willing to bend on, and the ones that will prove to be deal breakers. Before you devote your time, love, and energy into a man get to know him, find out if he’s truly right for you, because if he isn’t time will tell. Trust me when I say, you deserve all the love and attention your real Mr. Right will give, once he finds you.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Grow Through What You Go Through
Lauryn Hill said it best " And life squeezes so tight that I can't breathe," How true is that? How many times have you gotten so fed up with things, nothing seemed to go right but everything seemed to go wrong? Someone pissed you off, did something to hurt you, tried to break your spirit, how many times have you felt like so much was going wayward in your life that you didn't know what to do or how to cope? Feeling like you just wanted to give up (not in a literal sense) but just really wanted to put down your boxing gloves and forfeit the fight?
In life we're going to be faced with tests, trials, and tribulations that will help shape us into the people we are to be in the future. We question why is it that we have to suffer, or why everything seems to go wrong, it's like we want the rainbow without the storm, and life simply doesn't work like that. As cliche as it may sound everything does happen for a reason, and everything in life has a balance. There's a good and an evil, a right and a wrong, it's all part of life.
We're all going to face some kind of suffering during our life time and in the end it's not what you go through but how you grow through the situation. When something goes wrong in life you have to equip yourself with the right attitude to help you get through those hard times. When life is squeezing so tight that you can't breathe you have to squeeze back and not crumble under it all. The happiness you seek can very well be in your grasp if you just changed your thought process. Not an easy task, and it won't happen over night, but gradually you have to make an effort to be more positive. For example, don't focus on how much you hate your job, instead be thankful that you even have one. If you're tired of living with someone be thankful that you're not homeless, because for some it's reality.
Happiness is not a luxury, anyone no matter race or class can obtain happiness. You have to appreciate and recognize the small things in life and go from there. Don't jeopardize your sanity because somebody has the car or house, or the job you want. Focus on your happiness and instead of becoming a victim of circumstance be a survivor, and maybe one day your story can be inspiration to others.
In life we're going to be faced with tests, trials, and tribulations that will help shape us into the people we are to be in the future. We question why is it that we have to suffer, or why everything seems to go wrong, it's like we want the rainbow without the storm, and life simply doesn't work like that. As cliche as it may sound everything does happen for a reason, and everything in life has a balance. There's a good and an evil, a right and a wrong, it's all part of life.
We're all going to face some kind of suffering during our life time and in the end it's not what you go through but how you grow through the situation. When something goes wrong in life you have to equip yourself with the right attitude to help you get through those hard times. When life is squeezing so tight that you can't breathe you have to squeeze back and not crumble under it all. The happiness you seek can very well be in your grasp if you just changed your thought process. Not an easy task, and it won't happen over night, but gradually you have to make an effort to be more positive. For example, don't focus on how much you hate your job, instead be thankful that you even have one. If you're tired of living with someone be thankful that you're not homeless, because for some it's reality.
Happiness is not a luxury, anyone no matter race or class can obtain happiness. You have to appreciate and recognize the small things in life and go from there. Don't jeopardize your sanity because somebody has the car or house, or the job you want. Focus on your happiness and instead of becoming a victim of circumstance be a survivor, and maybe one day your story can be inspiration to others.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Expect What You Accept
As a Black woman you are pretty much told from day one that your chances at finding a good Black man are slim to none. We are thrown depressing statistics about the percentages of Black men who are either gay, incarcerated, dating white women, or whatever other crazy factor you can think of, to deter us from seeking what we truly deserve, the right man. Although these factors hold some truths we cannot let this cause us to settle for less. I've noticed many Black women being content with sharing a man, settling for one who doesn't meet their standards, basically accepting whatever from fear of becoming an old lonely spinster.
We've all been in situations where we pondered how many baby mother's are too many, or if he's been locked up, which crimes you can look past (I kid) or even if he isn't doing anything with his life well at LEAST he's trying....right? WRONG. In my opinion if you don't have your life situated or can't bring anything to the table in a relationship, then you need to be single. If your life is a mess, then don't drag someone else into your mess. This goes for men and women. How can you focus on someone else if your life isn't even in order?
When you get involved with someone that doesn't meet the requirements you are looking for, don't expect them to change for you. Don't be surprised when you get what you see.When you accept less then don't expect more from your partner who you've basically given the okay to leave you disappointed.Granted nobody wants to be alone, you cannot settle and then get mad at the person you've settled for, for not changing into the person you wanted them to be.
Whenever I read or hear about how statistically because I am a college educated Black woman I am even more prone to being single for the rest of my life, the saying "The devil is a lie," comes to mind. I am trusting in the Lord to send the right man in my life. Statistics are against me but when the Lord is for me can they really be against me? My answer is NO. We must not allow statistics to cause us to accept anything less than the best. It's what you deserve, trust me, and until you realize that you will always be disappointed and searching for more. Expect What You Accept. Until next time, stay blessed :)
We've all been in situations where we pondered how many baby mother's are too many, or if he's been locked up, which crimes you can look past (I kid) or even if he isn't doing anything with his life well at LEAST he's trying....right? WRONG. In my opinion if you don't have your life situated or can't bring anything to the table in a relationship, then you need to be single. If your life is a mess, then don't drag someone else into your mess. This goes for men and women. How can you focus on someone else if your life isn't even in order?
When you get involved with someone that doesn't meet the requirements you are looking for, don't expect them to change for you. Don't be surprised when you get what you see.When you accept less then don't expect more from your partner who you've basically given the okay to leave you disappointed.Granted nobody wants to be alone, you cannot settle and then get mad at the person you've settled for, for not changing into the person you wanted them to be.
Whenever I read or hear about how statistically because I am a college educated Black woman I am even more prone to being single for the rest of my life, the saying "The devil is a lie," comes to mind. I am trusting in the Lord to send the right man in my life. Statistics are against me but when the Lord is for me can they really be against me? My answer is NO. We must not allow statistics to cause us to accept anything less than the best. It's what you deserve, trust me, and until you realize that you will always be disappointed and searching for more. Expect What You Accept. Until next time, stay blessed :)
The Lord's Time vs Your Own
Through the busy hustle&bustle of everyday life, we seek and hope to gain whatever it is that we are looking for. From that dream job, to that new place or even that perfect man or woman. We get on our knees and we pray, asking (sometimes begging) the Lord to bless us RIGHT NOW. Albeit, patience is a virtue that we all may seek, but many fail to possess. I confess that I am guilty of being impatient. What we fail to realize is that we are on God's time, not the other way around. Just because you pray for something does not mean you're going to get it or that you were meant to get it, or even prepared to get it.
We sit back and wait, hope and pray for a blessing that probably belongs to someone else. We even look for blatant signs, being impatient and not fully trusting in the Lord. You ever heard someone say " I have faith, BUT...." There is no BUT, if you have faith, then possess it and trust in the Lord that he will provide exactly what you need. Maybe not your wants, because sometimes we can't correlate the difference between a need and a want. But if you put your full trust and faith in the Lord, he will not let you down.
I can remember getting on my knees in the middle of the night and asking the Lord for whatever it is that I wanted at that moment, and still worrying when I laid my head to rest. Worrying completely defeats the purpose of prayer. You pray to strengthen your relationship, trust and faith in the Lord, and by worrying after a prayer you basically prayed in vain. Ever heard the saying " If you're going to pray don't worry, if you're going to worry don't pray?" You have to choose which position you're going to take when you are faced with a problem, you can either be a worry-er, or a praying warrior. Letting your problems see how BIG your God is and not the other way around. I guess we are used to everything in life having a time frame i.e, your bill is due on the 15th of August or you have one week until your paper is due. God doesn't work on man's time, WE are on borrowed time in this life, and now is the time to stay prayed up and have faith to know that if you get on your knees and ask for something, you're either going to get that blessing, or an even better one is waiting for you.
If you ask for something and do not get it, it's not the end of the world, just a new beginning to seek what you need and not what you want. Know and trust that you will be provided for and that unlike man, you can always count on God. We may fall short, but the Lord is always there to pick us up. Keep the faith&stay blessed, until next time :)
We sit back and wait, hope and pray for a blessing that probably belongs to someone else. We even look for blatant signs, being impatient and not fully trusting in the Lord. You ever heard someone say " I have faith, BUT...." There is no BUT, if you have faith, then possess it and trust in the Lord that he will provide exactly what you need. Maybe not your wants, because sometimes we can't correlate the difference between a need and a want. But if you put your full trust and faith in the Lord, he will not let you down.
I can remember getting on my knees in the middle of the night and asking the Lord for whatever it is that I wanted at that moment, and still worrying when I laid my head to rest. Worrying completely defeats the purpose of prayer. You pray to strengthen your relationship, trust and faith in the Lord, and by worrying after a prayer you basically prayed in vain. Ever heard the saying " If you're going to pray don't worry, if you're going to worry don't pray?" You have to choose which position you're going to take when you are faced with a problem, you can either be a worry-er, or a praying warrior. Letting your problems see how BIG your God is and not the other way around. I guess we are used to everything in life having a time frame i.e, your bill is due on the 15th of August or you have one week until your paper is due. God doesn't work on man's time, WE are on borrowed time in this life, and now is the time to stay prayed up and have faith to know that if you get on your knees and ask for something, you're either going to get that blessing, or an even better one is waiting for you.
If you ask for something and do not get it, it's not the end of the world, just a new beginning to seek what you need and not what you want. Know and trust that you will be provided for and that unlike man, you can always count on God. We may fall short, but the Lord is always there to pick us up. Keep the faith&stay blessed, until next time :)
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